Looking Back...

I cannot help but wonder how much did Truman Capote's relationship with Perry Smith taint his telling of the story. The gruesome details of the crime scenes do not seem like they were in any way altered to better the appearance of their killer. The backstory of Smith mirrors the portrayal of his partner, Dick Hickock's. Family, childhood, adolescence, were all covered in equal share without preference or imbalanced weight of importance.

It's different to know that Capote and Smith had a homosexual relationship and affectionate bond than to actually see it. I was aware of the affair before starting the book, and I kept looking for evidence of bias and unfairness towards one of the convicts versus another - I couldn't see it. The only way I personally figured out that Perry would be the one was because I found him more attractive than Dick. Seriously that was my reasoning. I asked myself which of these two men I would rather be with and the answer was simply Perry - he was more human. Could this possibly be a result of Capote's depiction of the man behind the monster? Yes I will accept that - but Dick seemed, well, like a dick, and I believe that he was as much in real life as he became immortalized in this writing.

However, once I saw the movie, I was scared. I felt like I had been lied to. I felt like Capote had fooled me - led me to believe that I was safe and then taken me along for a ride of vulnerability. I saw the homo-erotic nature of the tension during conversations between Smith and Capote as they were portrayed in Infamous, and I see so much of Capote catering to Smith's needs and wants as they grow closer. Allegedly (although this is not shown in the film), Capote used to bribe the guards to take a walk so that he and Smith could have alone time together. How can you possibly be neutral when there is sex involved?! I'm disgusted, personally. Perhaps this is how the people of Holcomb felt when this avant-garde writer came into town, asking questions and expecting them to let their guard down for a stranger. I feel played. Is this natural?

Honestly I'm scared that if I read the book again I will find traces of partisanship everywhere. That each x and o will bleed with hugs and kisses and longings for Smith - that I will become angry with Truman for deceiving me, hurt because I trusted him to tell me the truth, much like Perry did throughout the film. I want to think that the only injustice committed in the 343 pages of the book are confined to the final few pages. I know that this is probably way too optimistic. I feel like Truman took advantage of the fact that this material fascinates me - that I wanted to get inside the head of a sociopath.

On the other hand, I could be taking this way too personally and getting all emotional and offended for no good reason. I highly doubt that I am alone in my feelings, but perhaps they are exaggerated. I just felt so invested in something that was inevitably shattered. Can anyone validate or disqualify these stirrings?